If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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