i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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