Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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