I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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