I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize