kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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