My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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