Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My life is pants optional.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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