never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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