You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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