my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize