I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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