So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
this is an emotional support booty call
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize