It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
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