He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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