Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize