do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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