We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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