i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
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are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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