Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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