I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize