No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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