Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
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So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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