As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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