ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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