Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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