i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize