No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize