after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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