3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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