THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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