Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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