Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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