When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
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Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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