I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize