never play flip cup with pint glasses
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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