tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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