I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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