I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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