took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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