Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You smell like a Billy Joel song
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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