did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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