Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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