Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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