i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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