Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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