in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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