my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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