Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize