What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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